1. To be left alone.
2. An orgasm… Like, a real one.
3. A vibrator that tells you you’re beautiful.
4. Your best friend’s new boyfriend to contract something.
5. No Instagram for the day.
6. Chocolates that have no calories.
7. Someone to eat your box (of chocolates).
8. Starbucks Delivery!!!!!
9. The missing sock from the dryer.
10. Delivery without having to get to the door.
11. Restaurants without prix fixe menus.
12. Jennifer Aniston’s body at 40.
13. A Tinder for men who want relationships.
14. An app that tells you how many of your exes are spending the holiday alone.
15. A yoga mat that also envelops you in a hug.
16. A husband of the pillow variety.
17. An extra day added to the weekend.
18. A big enough trash bag to throw away all of your ex-boyfriend’s love letters.
19. A fire pit to burn all your ex-boyfriend’s hoodies.
20. Someone to confuse you for Kate Moss.
21. The liver of a college freshman.
22. Time Warner Cable.
23. No periods ever again… or at least no more stains.
24. A high-speed Internet connection.
25. A new zip code.
26. Adderall that works until you want to sleep.
27. A “Sabrina The Teenage Witch” marathon.
28. A boyfriend sweatshirt without the boyfriend.
29. iPhone cords that stretch 5 feet.
30. USB chords that plug upside down and right-side up.
31. Costco for sex toys, makeup and ASOS dresses.
32. Lip gloss your hair doesn’t stick to.
33. Legs that shave themselves.
34. A YouTube makeup tutorial that puts the makeup on for you.
35. A perfect fitting black bra.
36. The perfect hair.
37. A chair for your shower.
38. No wait for the bathroom line… ever.
39. Your doctor to finally hit on you while you’re wearing that robe.
40. An upgraded shower head.
41. Megan Fox’s face and body… basically, to be Megan Fox.
42. A full prescription bottle with magical refills.
43. A blank prescription pad.
44. A strip search by a cop who looks like Channing Tatum.
45. A small, controlled microwave fire that requires the presence of hot, shirtless firemen.
46. Parents who are proud of you.
47. Juice Generation that doesn’t cost you your rent for the month.
48. A mandatory leggings dress code at work.
49. Makeup that takes itself off after you get wasted and pass out.
50. For everyone to stop asking you why you don’t have a f*cking boyfriend.
